The narrator explains that he wanted to get rid of jiang because he knew that he hated him. He even took away his bed, fed him, and even brought over a friend. The narrator admits that he was even looking forward to jiang hitting him, but he was beaten by jiang as a kid, so he doesn't blame jiang for beating him up. He says that he would help other people as well, and apologizes for running away because he was afraid that jiang would still think he was using him and would not believe him. So, he went to school to study psychology. He was lucky enough to meet jiang again that afternoon, and the narrator says that it meant that he actually wanted to "intensify" his relationship with jiang. For the past 12 years, the guilt he has toward jiang has been tumbling in his heart, and he keeps recalling how he has become like an old friend in jiang's heart. He just wants to help jiang, he says, to cure the "deep-rooted illness" of his heart.